In Exchange for Advancing a Floor
by Holydumpling
Summary: Knowing that someone will die for you is very different from knowing that someone has died for you. But put together, they are still better than knowing that someone will die for you and has died for nothing. Oneshot from Hatsu's POV starting at the twentieth floor.


Disclaimer: Tower of God belongs to SUI. If you haven't read it, go! Go read it now! You'll be doing the best favor you ever did for yourself. It'll be even better than buying birthday presents for youself, trust me.

So...this is a oneshot (might add more later though) of how Hatsu sees everything. Basically, there's four parts. First part is when team Ship gets to the twentieth floor, and then after that it's self-explanatory.

I honestly don't think this fanfic is that good. It's my second try...so...I'm trying..._trying_ *sobs*. And I'd work on it more if I could but I really really want to finish this other SnK fanfic I'm sorry TOG I still love you.  
Psst. I love comments! Just so you know.

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He hasn't been in the tower, climbing it, for seven years yet. He has spent perhaps six, since the age of eighteen – if he even remembers that correctly – and it is appalling to think that even the most gifted may take several centuries. How many more years will it take him, then?

It is a question that Hatsu often asks himself. He is neither a prodigy of exceptional talent nor a princess of Zhahard. He is just the average contender. He is, simply, Hatsu: a boy of humble origins, trained in the way of the sword as well as the way of the warrior, whose last name matters to no one but himself.

Hatsu.

Hatsu cannot expect to overcome the tower anytime soon. Climbing the tower is difficult. It is impossible. Chances are slim. But it is Hatsu's goal in life, and he is not about to give it up. The fact that he has made it this far already, to the twentieth floor, has to mean something. Reaching the needle hole to heaven _always_ means something.

His resolve to finish what he started six years back is unquestionable. So is his loyalty to the team. From his encounters in the tower, Hatsu now knows that some things are just as precious as childhood dreams of honor and glory. But if he were to throw away one or the other – his dreams or his friends – he is not sure exactly what his choice would be.

The trick to climbing the tower is realizing the truth behind it. You have to see the tower for what it really is. It isn't as much a test of ability and strength as it is a test of courage and determination. Once the preliminaries are over with, it all comes down to what one is willing to give up, what one has to guts to give up in exchange for advancing a floor. Bravery is a requirement. Not bravery in the heat of battle, but bravery to make a decision and follow through with it, to believe with all your heart that you made the choice you will regret the least.

Hatsu doesn't have that sort of bravery. He is quiet and reserved, so those who don't know him well think him decisive. They think him a good judge of everything from situations to character. The truth is, Hatsu just never trusts himself to make the decisions. That's why he surrounds himself with people he trusts; he lets his team do it for him. Androssi and Koon, those two know what they're doing. Hatsu is content to be led. He is a warrior, not a leader. And so he is drawn to leadership, especially leadership of the genuine kind.

Once, some time back, he knew a boy who had that. Baam, he was called. Twenty-fifth Baam. The boy hadn't held the aura of authority associated with leadership. He hadn't even had it in him to manipulate people. Still, there had definitely been something special about him. Something that compelled those around him to stop and think, to reconsider their actions, to _change_. That was a form of leadership Hatsu hadn't known existed until he met the boy. A pity the boy is gone now.

The more Hatsu thinks, the more he regrets. Baam didn't need to die. In fact, nobody needs to die on the climb.

The more Hatsu regrets, the more he feels. It is a mixture of emotions: fear, sadness, anger. He is angry at the tower and at its system and at the world for making people suffer as they strive to get what they want.

The human soul is beautiful in that it can feel, but he tries to tone down the gravity of his emotions. It isn't fitting to be angry when you can't do anything about it. It is unlike him, and anger is only useful when it is incentive for taking action. He doesn't believe in anger, anyway.

They have passed the twenty-ninth floor. Koon is gone. Hatsu doesn't know what to make of it.

Early on, he had been taught that sacrifice is honorable. Loyalty and sacrifice are the two most honorable things that exist, his father had said. But Koon hasn't died because of that; Koon died because of pride. And maybe loyalty, too, since he was avenging Hatsu's defeat to the Devil of the Right Arm. Hatsu doesn't want his thoughts to go there, though, because thinking that it is his fault makes it all much, much worse.

It takes a while for the emotions to set in, just like it did the first time when they lost Baam. The team is taking it surprisingly well; a closer look and Hatsu notices that perhaps the fact just hasn't sunken in yet. Once it does, it hits deeply.

Hatsu catches himself trying to glorify Koon's death. He catches himself in the act this time around because he remembers doing the same for Baam.

He glorifies them. He gives them his utmost respect. He convinces himself that their deaths weren't in vain, which isn't a complete lie because every death brings the team together.

Knowing that someone will die for you is very different from knowing that someone has died for you. But put together, they are still better than knowing that someone will die for you and has died for nothing.

Anger is useful when it is an incentive for taking action. They have something to strike at, something to aim their anger towards. This time they are capable of taking action.

Maybe Hatsu is starting to believe in anger. Maybe.

They are on the move. They have a target. They are of one mind. They will kill Jyu Viole Grace.


End file.
